Bainwarble Brings A Friend

            Wales is a long way from New York, where the Cardiff giant hoax (a trick not lost on P.T. Barnum) was perpetrated years ago.  Our Butler, 6’-11” tall Glassshard Bainwarble, hails from Cardiff the former.  We don’t always understand his ways.  He has been busily building a canvas enclosure on top of his camper in the alley.  I expected it was some kind of beer garden where he could quaff and trumpet to his heart’s content, hidden from the neighbors. 

He told us today that he wants to bring his girlfriend, Siobhan, for a visit.  She would stay on the second floor of his (now) two-story camper.  He says not to worry, she has her own health care. Siobhan, which by Gaelic linguistic magic is approximately pronounced Shivawn, used to be a steamfitter, but now assembles automobiles.  We couldn’t wait to get a look at the girlfriend of our Cardiff giant. 

Presently Siobhan arrived, but we didn’t see her for days—Bainwarble, we thought, was being shy.  Meanwhile, neighbors, lots of them, took to walking the alley.  Crowds of guys loitered in lawn chairs.  Something was up!

            Then we met her—a ginger haired Miss Ireland of a thing who looked like if she ever did any steam fitting, it was done by batting her eyelashes.  She explained that with automotive robots, it was all programming and buttons, and she was very good with buttons.

            "Bless my buttons," I told Ducky Bumps.  "Cardiff seems to be the very seat of surprises."

The Spoils of War

            Is it just me, or does it seem like war is the principal force that perpetuates whatever is being warred upon.  Take WW I, the “War to end all wars.”  It didn’t.  The treatment of the vanquished was so harsh, that combined with economic hard times, and of course bankers, it gave birth to WW II. 

            How about the War on Poverty?  We have spent $20+ trillion subsidizing Americans’ cheapskate employers, but the “market poverty” rate (calculated without government tax credits or other benefits) went from 26 or 27% in 1967 to 28.7% in 2012.  The greed of employers, the omissions and commissions of Congress, and of course bankers, have perpetuated and grown poverty.

            The War on Drugs?  Does ANYBODY really believe that is working?  The lure of fantastic profits, caused partly by the fruitful illegality of drugs, and of course bankers, has made illicit drug trafficking a growth industry.  Didn’t anybody remember Prohibition?

            World War II defeated an inhuman cadre of criminals.  Like many of America’s wars, it was necessary.  Mostly, today’s inhuman criminals (now there are more of them) have to be more circumspect.  Meanwhile breathtaking worldwide poverty, and the lunacy of empire, give them ample targets and recruits.

            The War on Terror?  Ask yourself how THAT’S going.  Terrorism, because of zealots, inhuman criminal manipulators, widespread poverty, and of course bankers, is thriving.

            Around here, we think the real spoils of war are the humane things we don’t do, to combat the causes of human suffering.  War spoils that. 

Wiley Stinks, Philosopher Chef

          Chef Stinks and I were in the kitchen sharing some sort of pate he had fashioned from goose fat, seasonings, and an unknown meat. Bainwarble burst into the room in his purple waistcoat, wearing sleeve garters and latex gloves. He was carrying a garbage bag and had a spray bottle of air freshener dangling at his pocket. He glanced at the table, screwed up his nose and grunted, “Oh! I thought I had forgotten to empty the trap behind the stove. I see the smell is coming from another culinary catastrophe, Wiley.”

           “Well, we have to do SOMETHING with the things the lady of the house shoots, Glass-shard.” Wiley always pointedly pronounces Bainwarble's first name as two separate words.

           It's a blessing and a curse, I thought, having a crippled sense of smell due to all those sinus surgeries. From the unpleasant look on Bainwarble's face, I judged that at this moment I was enjoying a blessing.

           “Some day she may accidentally shoot you,” Stinks continued. “I've been thinking if one minds the prevailing winds, you might make a good scarecrow for the garden!”

           “No need,” retorted the Welsh giant, “Since you've arrived, they all come to the kitchen window and faint dead away.” He grinned and sat down as I pointed to an empty chair. “Deal me some crackers,” he said, “and a non-lethal dose of that pate.”

           “No worries, Mate,” Wiley said in a heavy accent. He brushed the underside of his nose with his forefinger and added, “If it kills you it'll make you stronger!”

A Tax Break Attacks Like A Tax

          Let’s say you loan your pickup truck to your brother so he can haul some stuff and won’t have to spend $103.00 to rent a truck for the hauling. It happens all the time. Good people help out friends and family members.

           In this case, you have done something nice that saved him $103. You have communicated $103 dollars worth of value to him and you have foregone receiving any money. Economists would say you have actually spent whatever money that you might have charged him or that he might have offered you.

           Now, let’s say your city wants to promote improvement of blighted areas and passes tax-increment-financing. Or say your fed gov wants to promote home ownership and allows taxpayers to reduce their taxable income by the amount of their home mortgage interest. These are good examples of how tax benefits can help individuals and communities. In economic terms, these government entities have, by foregoing tax income, actually spent the money they agreed not to collect.

           Every year, America spends about $83 billion on tax incentives for businesses (companies like Wells Fargo, General Electric, Capital One Financial, DuPont, Verizon, and others). And all that money has to be collected elsewhere—from ordinary Americans. You could say that’s about a quarter of a trillion dollars spent every three years, on your behalf by your elected reps, on their constituents, friends and families in business! Around here, we think you might spend it differently, if you had any say.

Good For Business

            Is everything that’s good for business really good for America?  Consider some examples:

• Have authorities or contractors shoot / bludgeon people striking for fair wages / conditions;
• Defy safety rules, just pay fines, even if there are recurring work fatalities;
• Reduce resource extraction costs by strip mining;
• Reduce costs by irresponsibly handling toxic waste;
• Let taxpayers pay for workers’ subsistence needs resulting from poverty wages;
• Hire undocumented workers, pay them even less, and deport them if they complain;
• Cheat investors, steal money, and let taxpayers bail you out;
• Hide knowledge of product safety flaws; just pay a few settlements to victims  or their families;
• Blackmail States into paying you to bring jobs to their State;
• Take benefits America provides, but pay taxes overseas;
• Fracking.

           Too often, someone says, “If it’s good for business, it’s good for America; America needs to be run more like a business.”  Around here we think America needs to run from this flawed thinking.  Government is not business.  Government is sometimes what people have do together to clean up after some businesses.  Sure, government needs to be efficient, responsive, adaptable, technically astute, innovative, transparent, and accountable.  Nothing new about that—it’s just good management.  Many businesses even aspire to these qualities.  However, government is in the long game, not tomorrow’s profits.  That’s how it is with education, human services, environmental & safety issues, providing for the common defense, and you know, promoting the general welfare.