Taking America Back

           The world is becoming more volatile. Weather is tagging along. The flaws that produced worldwide economic disaster remain untouched by those who could fix them. The stage is set for the next trickle down bailout and congress is dithering—punching all the emotional buttons it can in order to avoid solving problems. It’s all reminiscent of Disney’s “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice,” with Mickey in his little pointy hat, furiously waving his wand, while the world swirls out of control around him. What’s a poor boy to do?

           Around here, we have to consider the possibility that congress is doing exactly what its owners want it to do—mostly spending its time seeking their money and promising those little inconsequential “adjustments” and “omissions” that have brought America from the 1970’s to today’s brink of squalor. To the place where two jobs are no longer enough to provide for families. Where some among congress feel secure claiming that a minimum wage is not needed. And where poverty wage employers routinely steal from their workers.

           But the present owners of congress are not unstoppable. They can be beaten. When we see candidate Osborn say, “Let’s take it back,” we can’t help thinking that a 90% turn out in primary and general elections might just do the trick, albeit not in the way he probably meant. It could be the opening salvo in an evolutionary change to truly conserve America’s core values. That’s what a poor boy should do, become a REAL conservative.

Campaign Diaries 2014

          4/30 Despite all the wet-hankie dinsdaling about government regulation, the chilling thought is that the Environmental Protection Agency may be the only thing between us and the environmentally catastrophic robber baronage of yore. Or another Dust Bowl. Recent pollution accidents are instructive. There is a difference between liberty and abandon.

Bainwarble Gets Caught

          I asked our butler, Bainwarble, while he was pressing my pants if Tom Jones had once been a stone mason or a brick layer. I assumed he would hear, “Blah blah blah Tom Jones blah blah blah.” He picked up the iron and waved it wildly as he fired off a five minute fountain of foreign words. I was glad he picked up the iron—those were $8 pants, part of my favorite leisure suit.

           Of course, I learned nothing by asking the question. Ducky Bumps suggested I follow the modus operandi of the political season and just make up whatever suited me, but I'm no longer a political person—the last politician I bought wasn’t trustworthy. Besides, something else was bothering me. What exactly did Bainwarble hear that produced such a lava-flow of linguistic largess?

           Later on, I noticed Bainwarble muttering, so I stole closer and eavesdropped. He was quietly singing Buddy Holly (“...a well a hel a hel the little things you say and do...”). “Aha,” I screamed so loudly that Ducky Bumps dropped the revolver she was cleaning in the kitchen! “You speak English!”

           “First of all Buddy Holly is not English,” he spat.

           “You see, I told you it was ridiculous,” said Ducky Bumps who came to investigate my shouting, “he does know English.”
           “I'm off-the-clock!”

           “Wait,” I grinned, “Know any Gary P. Nunn?” Ducky Bumps spun the cylinder and snapped her revolver shut.

           “I saw a rat in the basement,” she exclaimed, and wandered off.

Campaign Diaries 2014

4/28 At what point did the Congressmen who hated Social Security stop taking repeal votes and get on with the work of government? Certainly the Affordable Health Care foes have reached that point with Obamacare, after wasting millions of our tax dollars on failed repeal votes. Why is anybody still damp-tissue shaning and dinsdaling about it, instead of talking about jobs, infrastructure, public education, voter disenfranchisement, renewable energy, etc etc etc.

Redistribution of Wealth

          There is a lot of moaning in the fringe media about redistribution of wealth—about the government taking our money in taxes to give away to slackers. These tax scolds seem to want you to think our country pays for defending itself by selling candy apples on street corners. Of course, like most of what they say, that's ridiculous. 

          The Department of Defense is run on money that is redistributed from us taxpayers, not by selling ship wax and striped paint to surplus stores. States are subsidized with huge amounts of money redistributed from us taxpayers. Food and fuel production (including lucrative corporations): same deal. We honor our fallen heroes in national cemeteries supported by taxes. We take care of our veterans with tax money. We should do a better job of that. We collect taxes and prevent tax evasion with tax money (more fodder for the fringe feeders). Thus the principle of redistribution of wealth through taxation is the legitimate way we do the things we do as a country.

           So it is easy to recognize when someone is jerking our chain by complaining about redistribution of wealth. Only the certifiable social orangutans in our economy believe that is the problem. Still, it is such an ingrained part of the litany against government that it is guilty by association with various programs and policies at issue throughout our society.

           Around here, we're not fooled by this “rope-a-dope” tactic. What the government does makes us think, for ourselves, instead of succumbing to the “Liar Choir.”

Campaign Diaries, 2014

           4/24 Here's a Nebraska clue for all you carpetbaggers bragging how your pal-for-Governor will show everybody how to balance a budget: EVERY NEBRASKA GOVERNOR HAS TO BALANCE THE BUDGET. Jim Exon and Bob Kerry did it. Kay Orr and Mike Johanns did it. Ben Nelson did it. The last one did it. The next one will do it. It's the law. So why not just pack your bags. If “trickle down” works so well, maybe you should go spend a little more time under the smart faucet. PS We all know you're really talking about Wisconsin Wrecking Ball budgeting. Next month we'll know if Nebraskans fell for it.

Butter Tub Woes

           Had to go see the shrink, Brian Teaser, again. This overwhelming sense of bewilderment took me prisoner.

           “What do you want THIS time?!” he demanded in his usual welcoming manner? That doesn't really bother me—I'm just comforted that he is awake. I still watch him, though. Our session tapes are rife with words I've shouted in mid-sentence to startle him from one of his naps.

           “Doc, you remember how you told me I needed to lose myself in something I was passionate about?”

           “Yeeess,” he tendered, looking guarded.

           “And, remember my earth-friendly campaign?”

           “Oh, your 'Save The Butter Tubs' thing? Sure, I remember.”

           “Well, it's going badly.”

           “You do look a little...jaundiced. Have you been eating too much butter? I can prescribe something...”

           “No no Doc, that's not it. Although I did once try to give a tub of butter mouth-to-whatever...I stuck my face in it. Just that once...because it stopped moving.”

           “Wait, the butter was moving?”

           “Well no, I figured out I was just dizzy at the time. Anyway that's not WHY I'M HERE!” He sat up with a start. “I just don't get why people don't care about butter tubs.” He turned away for a moment and covered his face with his hands to think. “I can see it's time to go,” I continued, “but Doc, I know lots of people who wouldn't give a starving butter tub so much as a day old lump of haggus!

          “Me too,' he said, tearing up. He was crying softly as I closed the door.