Lurking Absurdities           

            “We need a balanced federal budget; to run government like a business or family.” Misleading—businesses and families are known malingerers—they borrow.  Cars, houses, furniture, payday advances, Christmas money.  Oh! Credit cards!  On the other hand, commercial lines of credit, building expansion loans, Tax Increment Financing. Oh! Stocks and bonds, etc,etc.  Hint: borrowing is deficit spending.

            Absurd because what in the world do you think government does?!  Even the squirrels know it is the economy’s money-balancer, war financer, space invader.  They know it because the government guarantees their loans, and bails their sorry carcasses out when their greed gets them in trouble.  Shame about it kids, “balanced federal budget” doesn’t quite get the deal done.  Besides if we have to balance the federal budget, what do we do when the stars line up and some President brings in a surplus?   

            “Serious economic downturns are a thing of the past.”  Not even misleading, just patently absurd.  Capitalism is a type of economy that produces fluctuations.  Every few years there is a cyclical downturn.  Every few downturns there is a serious one.  Every downturn produces a politician who proclaims that the actions they have taken will prevent recurrence.  Those same politicians tell you they have only your best interests at heart.  Around here that’s absurd too, like having congress cut away all the safety nets and helpful programs for America’s needy.  You KNOW when the cutters need nets for themselves, their lobbyists just get them from the Absent WithOut Leaving gang.

Gold Standard         April 29, 2013

            My dentist, Carie Plaquentartar, is a great artist in porcelain and fine metals, with the occupational failing of conducting conversations when people can’t talk back.   Unfortunately when he asks how you’re doing, even if you aren’t wearing a rubber dam, he expects to hear, “unh oongh-inh hinh”—just like Charlie Brown in school.  “How was your weekend, Skid,” he asked Monday?  He calls me ‘Skid’ because I ride a bicycle, and I call him ‘Boats’ because I have bought him so many.  Well, and ‘Doctor Plaquentartar’ is just too much work, on the lingual side.   

            “Lousy,” I responded.

            “Great, have a seat!”

            “LOUSY WEEKEND,” I repeated as I leaned back.  Medea, his assistant, was chaining me up to a spit rag.  She smiled.

            “Oh??? Whyzat,” he frowned.  A man with his skills, you don’t like to see him frown.  It occurred to me that I should have just stuck with the response he heard first.

            “I bought a gold coin for $1200 Friday,” I answered.

            “Oh!  Yeah, that probably won’t cover the bill this morning.  I sold a gold coin for $1200 Friday.  It’s worth about $18 this morning.  Got plastic?  We take plastic!”

            “I don’t use plastic!  Can I just have a rubber dam now,” I asked, utterly defeated?  Medea quickly fitted me up, and I finally felt I could communicate well, having lost all desire to do so.

            “You’ll have to pay, or leave your bicycle!”  Boats was frowning again.

            “Unh hunh,” I intoned.

MR ED           April 27, 2013

            Yeah, we don’t like to talk about this.  It’s…embarrassing.  But it’s a real problem for the U.S. congress, so…let’s be frank.  It’s been going on for some time.  Numerous practitioners have promised they can treat it.  It’s like that TV commercial—the one with the two bath tubs?  Well the Republicans are in one bath tub, and the Democrats are in the other.  Neither one can seem to…well…function.  They are all suffering in a consuming way, from Moderation Resistant Electile Dysfunction.  Bitter pills like Reasonableness® Fair Play® Amore Perfect Union® and Responsibility® seem to have no effect on this abiding malaise.  It’s a mental health issue. 

This results in a lot of loud proclamations that begin with phrases like “We’re not going to…” and, “That’s off the table…,” and include things like, “…America’s greatness…” and, “…birth certificate…” and, “What we need instead…”   Meanwhile most of us associate those phrases with these:  “…grant you a mortgage adjustment…” or, “…reduce spending…” or, “…built on individual effort…” or, “…don’t deserve help from the government…” or, “…tax breaks for job creators…” 

            So, while congress frets about America’s greatness and job creators and family values, family people without jobs face ruin, homeless families shiver, hungry families are preoccupied with survival, the planet gets a sunburn where its ice cap used to be, and the sea of poverty rises inexorably.  Congress has become a great cartoon cadre of strutting martinets, the Poster Fools of Electile Dysfunction!  Ain’t they impressive?!

It’s Greek to Me        

            A lot of people don’t realize that Greeks, Archimedes in particular, invented the first machine that combined precise clock-like gears and assembled historical data to predict the movements of Earth’s moon and the planets.  That makes it the first computer.  There is strong belief that when the Roman Empire crushed Greek civilization, advanced Greek mathematical knowledge migrated to the East where it was used in developing the astrolabe.  Later, gear movements similar to those first found in Archimedes’ computer, were adapted and used all over Europe in clocks. 

Consider this formidable heritage, cradled in Greek civilization.  Marvel at the downstream effects of the intellect of one person, Archimedes of Syracuse, killed by a Roman soldier’s broad sword.  A murdered icon of the Greek society that Romans trashed.  Question: throughout history, what has the greatness of empire produced besides vast wealth for small groups of people?  Has it done anything worthwhile?  Has empire, as opposed to civilization, done anything except slow the progress of humanity?  What exactly is the overall human advantage in building a society that is based on the systematic depredation of weaker ones?  Because that’s what empires do. 

            It’s Greek to me—unfathomable.  But there’s one thing we can say with certainty around here.  Today’s modern computer—IS Greek to me—given of Archimedes’ genius, combined with the inventive genius of subsequent generations, given to me in spite of countless intervening great empires.  It is truly Greek to me.  Opa!