The Elephant in the Room                        April 5, 2013

            I stopped in to see Titus Boogerworth, my financial guru.  “Boogs,” I said when he finally granted me an audience, “I’ve got some extra money, so naturally I came to you.  Where’s the best place to put it?”

            “These days,” he shot back, “You should put as much as you can in my bank account…help me fight poverty.”

            “Yeah,” I said, “but the truth is, you ain’t poor.  Why, financial consultants are the new oligarchy, making fortunes just from consulting with rabble like me and my well-heeled betters.

            “Don’t you believe it, Workhouse,” he exclaimed twisting the knife.  “Even in the service industry, the real money’s in product.  Want to buy a box of advice?  I call it, ‘Slave Your Way To Riches!’ It’s my New Improved Plan for prospering on minimum wage no-benefit part-time jobs.  It only costs about three days salary, and the money goes directly to my bank account.“

            “There’s a recurring theme here I don’t like,” I said.  “First we get pushed into believing minimum wage is appropriate, then schemers everywhere try to get a piece of us!  I don’t want to buy anything, I mean, except a comfortable retirement.”

            “Just exactly what I can provide,” he gushed.  “I see some interesting things going on in pork bellies.  Your money’s safe with me.  Let’s have it.  Trust me!” 

            “Here’s my two dollars,” I said reluctantly relinquishing two crumpled bills, “What are you going to do with your half?”