They Love To Do A Little Side Step

Big government didn’t cause the ‘Great Recession,’ but big government legislators are anchor-dragging and slowing America’s recovery.  It’s politics.  (The President isn’t nice to them, doesn’t like them very much, and thinks it’s a waste of time to talk to them.  I’m with him, along with 90% of Americans.) 

Legislators naturally point away from their own presence in the problem: “It’s this President’s lack of leadership,” or “Obamacare,” or “the National Debt,” or “runaway spending” (authorized by legislators!), or “Socialism,” or “Islamic thinking,” or everybody’s favorite, “The federal government is too big.”  Admit it, if you’ve been listening you’ve heard all of these before.  You probably recognize them as excuses.

To legislators goes the blame for failing to adequately minimize the impact of, and speed recovery from ‘The Great Recession.’  Legislators who short-sheeted the TARP, reducing its effectiveness.  Who failed on the budget and gave us “The Sequester” with all its human suffering.  Who are so bent on sticking it to America’s hungry and needy that after a year, they still can’t agree on a farm bill.  Who play chicken with debt ceiling deadlines, and have utterly failed to create the jobs that suffering Americans need.  It is legislators who are starving our economy to feed the golden idol of austerity.

             Around here, we think the problem is good-hearted, patriotic, well-meaning, legislators, who happen to have been wrong about nearly everything since 2009.  Either that, or mean-spirited, anchor-dragging obstructionists—not the size of government, or any of those other excuses.

A Good Memory Is A Good Friend

            You can expect too much from people, but the irony can’t be missed: the Representatives dedicated to saving America money, and their outside agitator, precipitated a government shutdown, right here in the fall of 2013, that cost Americans billions of dollars and over 120,000 jobs.  Whew!  They deserve a reward!  A notice posted everywhere in our country would be nice.  A simple document that says:

WANTED

Every Rep who opposed

A clean C.R.

For Cheating America

In it’s time of need

REWARD

For throwing these

Bums our of office

            On the other hand, that would be crass.  Better we should just quietly remember what was done to us, indeed what has been done to us for years, and resolve to recruit and support sensible adults in the next election.  Not the unassuming, smiling liars; not the self-aggrandizing, bellowing heroes; not the self-appointed saviors of “our way of life,” nor those who demand unearned respect, and not the three-day-work-week-wonders, or the “my-way-or-the-highway” road hogs.

            If your Representative did not vote, BEFORE the shutdown, for a clean continuing resolution to fund the government, he or she is partly responsible for the expensive damage done to all Americans.  For nearly one million furloughed employees.  For reduced economic activity.  For lost jobs that we needed.  For the damage done to democracy.  For failing to carry out the Constitutional duty of the House with alacrity.  And for soiling the effectiveness of representative government.  Around here we think it’s fair to expect voters to remember. 

Swearing In Doctor Fleet

            “Doctor,” I gasped, when he finally entered the room, “I can’t control my @#$%^&* words.  I keep saying *&^% or some other @#$%^&* swear word.  I’m a *%#-of-a-^$@*% if I know what’s happening!

            “If you’re going to talk like that, you’d better be drunk,” he snarled. “I’ll get you another cheap domestic beer for $18.”

            “I haven’t been drinking! I @#$%^&* can’t help this.  Do something!

            “Your sincerity amazes.  Let’s have a look!”  He shined that *^$-%&#%*$ bright light in my eyes, nose and ears, grabbed my neck as if to choke me, and stuck one of those popsicle-sticks-on-steroids in my mouth.  “Say ‘ahhh’,” he intoned.  Twenty @#$%^&* minutes later he removed the ^$@! stick, stared at it in disgust and threw it away.  “Mouthwash not one of your things, ehh?!”

            “@#$% mouthwash, Doc.  What’s going on?!”

            “You have a rare condition known as non-Tourette’s-exclamatory-linguitis.”

“@#$%^&*-a, Doc, and ‘puer est agricola’.  Say that in English!”

“Right, Latin-master!  Your brain prevents you from saying a pleasant word.  Say ‘thank you’.”

“@#$% you!”

“See?  You can’t do it.  It’s treatable, but it’s so entertaining I hate to interfere.  Come with me on my rounds!”

“Doc!”

“O.K.  I’ll give you a shot to counteract it and some pills to keep it away.”  He grinned and plunged me with some Amazon basin bile.

“Thank you,” I said, surprised at the welcome absence of obscenity. 

“Always a pleasure seeing you,” he said, slamming the door.

“You forgot to say ‘suffer’,” I muttered, “…seeing you suffer!”ou have a rare condition known as 'hh?!"and threw it away.my neck as if to choke me.  And finally, he stuck one of those popsic

A Visit From Hoss Studd

            I met him at college and admired his directness.  Today as we discussed Obamacare, I told him I hated it—I’m a rugged individualist like him and don’t need health insurance.

            “Road apples!  Why, that’s dumber than a bob-wire saddle!  You want to end up a charity case?  Or a E-room dependent?  You want to count on the kindness o’ strangers?  They’s a thin line between individualist and indigent, podner.  Think for yourself, damnit!  Be responsible!  You shouldn’t need the gumment to tell you to buy insurance.”  His handlebar moustache quivered.  At nearly eighty years of age, Hoss was still direct and clear about what he believed.       

            “But they CAN’T tell me what to buy!  It’s wrong,” I protested.

            “You got to rein in your stupid, podner.  If the gumment told you to clean the shit off your boots, would you bawl like that?  Hell no!  You were gonna anyway.  Why, you’d just grin and think, ‘where ya been?’  Hoss took a long gulp of coffee.

            “Yeah, Hoss, but it’s going to cost me a diaper-load of money.  I can’t afford it!”

            “Don’t be one o’ them wanna-be adults that don’t have enough brains to heat their hat.  Health insurance is part of the cost of growin’ up.  Ain’t you rugged enough for that?  Or maybe you’re sellin’ your work to some cheap chiseler that don’t pay enough.  Your choice.  Thanks for the coffee.”

            Hoss left, and I kept thinking, we don’t all have a choice.  Maybe Obamacare isn’t so bad.

Dissin' The Dufii

            For House obstructionists, dufii is being used as the plural (more than one) of dufus.

            One of the striking revelations to surface recently is that some obstreperous members of the U.S. House adamantly insist they will not be disrespected.  If that doesn’t demonstrate they are out of touch with reality, really, what’s it going to take?  Already more than 90% of Americans think their performance stinks.  But who’s counting?  Answer: Nobody in the House.  It’s the penultimate example of “Nobody’s home!”  Maybe it’s time they stopped listening to their particular 5%.  Maybe what’s in the best interests of America ought to get 90% of their attention.  That, and the stupid notion that they might not be 100% right about everything.

            There are problems with the Affordable Care Act, to be sure.  Who but a bull-headed dufus would think it’s appropriate to shut down the government until it’s all fixed?  We have problems with the Farm Bill too.  Should we shut down the government until that’s all ironed out?  So, you see it isn’t reason behind all the B.S.  It’s politics—whip the ‘base’ into a frenzy, grab some free publicity, and own the day.  For otherwise good-hearted, reasonable people to act so capriciously, the spoils of victory must be immense.  Perhaps politics is another word for greed.

            Around here, we think the measure of Americans’ wrath should be meted out in loud, unapologetic, public disrespect of the dufii who have trashed the U.S. House of Representatives.