The Yak Fat Diet

          Jack Spratt's Yak Fat diet has all the essentials for success. You know, so many diets require you to learn dozens of recipes—you have to become a specialty chef just to get through your already busy day! But the Yak Fat diet is simple—only your nosy neighbors will even guess you're scheming away those pounds!

           This is how it works: Render a yak. Pour into mini-muffin tins (makes about a thousand). Cool tins in the garage. When hungry, spoon a yak fat cake onto wax paper, oil cloth, or even a rusty lid from the work bench. Eat on-the-go, or sit down to a lavish table (no candles!) and enjoy your no-fuss dinner with a glass of sneaky-pete. Only one glass, though, or you'll be in the garage rattling those muffin tins all evening, and never lose an ounce! I recommend an old iron bath tub over a wood fire to do the rendering. Some neighbors will likely come and discuss this with you, but the timid ones will leave you alone. Plus, you can use yak hide to replace the tattered headliner in your Simca!

           Jim of Knuckleroad AR says: “One bite and I knew I'd rather eat dust off the window sills. I did for months. I lost weight in a hurry!” Alice of Pavement NY says: “I tried it and I lost everything (I ever wanted to lose).” We added the part in parentheses. This diet has it all—simplicity, and food that helps you control your appetite!

We Love The Halls Of Ivy

           Former Governor Butler (who said this job was a step up for him) ushered me in to my weekly coffee at the University President’s 18,000 square foot residence. Butler Butler showed me past the atrium to President Hal Savivey’s sumptuous buffet in the fountain court. He announced me, and we three old frat brothers had a cheery moment agreeing we had all found the 'right' work. Hal acknowledged he was the highest paid at $350,000, but said he was surely the lowest paid University President in America.

           When we sat down alone, Hal confided he was having second thoughts about hiring Butler. We sipped and grumbled till Butler returned.

           “Bill at the Power company said the plane trip to Banff is on schedule…and Warren Buffet called again. Also, Obama will meet you in Chicago next Tuesday. Oh, and the Chamber wants some policy advice.” Butler Butler nodded and left.

           “See what I mean,” Hal asked? He should have just posted that to me! Politicians! A bunch of flies feeding on me like a plate of sh—Hello darling!”

           “I hope I haven’t kept you from swearing again! Hello R.R.” Mrs. Savivey glided past us heading for the kitchen.

           “Stealthy woman,” exclaimed Savivey. “As I was saying, my salary barely keeps me in cummerbunds. I need a part-time job!”

           “Well, there's your three cars, and greens fees, this huge house and grounds, plus upkeep, plus the staff, all those expensive parties you throw, the plane trips all over the world for golf and networking, shopping trips to both coasts, your retreat in Costa Rica, your personal trainer and gym membership, the annual ten-day faculty retreat you hold at a national historic site each year, the monthly Department Head luncheons you give, and the developmental seminars at swanky resorts on the coasts. I mean, you could cut back!”

           “No no no,” Hal protested, “all that stuff is paid for by the University. I can't save a dime on any of that! No, my problem is I only have about $150,000 a year to invest. At this rate, I'll have to work forever--.”

           “Sir, your limo is packed and ready,” interrupted Butler.

           “Finally!” Hal stood up. “I'm headed for Canada to ski. Can I drop you anywhere, R.R.?”

          “Thanks anyway, Hal,” I said, looking at Butler and remembering my college loans.

Break Is Over, Everybody Back to Work

           After weeks of relaxation, it’s time to get busy again. Whether you took a “bucket list” destination vacation, basked in the grandeur of our many national, state, and city parks, or simply enjoyed the beauty of your home and neighborhood, here’s hoping you spent quality time with some of the friends and family you love this summer. And enjoyed some interesting activities. This kind of pursuit is what brings to mind the phrase, “What a great country we live in!” (a thought that never occurs in traffic).

          But the beauty of friendships and loved ones, and of nature cannot be denied. Even some significant strangers can captivate us. One such stranger, who died yesterday was Robin Williams. He taught us how to laugh at sometimes terrible situations, and made us feel that everything would be OK. That was his gift to us. We’ll miss him.

           A good friend of ours living in Iowa, has also shown us a thing or two. Energetic, and outgoing, he travels widely, and is a lover of nature. After retiring, he still has little idle time. These days he is focused on photography. We’ve discovered that he has an award winning talent for composition. His work shows the wonder of the world around us that we might otherwise miss. It is his gift to us.

          As we dig back in, let us not fail to see the good, the beautiful, and the light-hearted (even if small) things that life offers. And know that together we’re making it better.