Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Butter Tub Woes

           Had to go see the shrink, Brian Teaser, again. This overwhelming sense of bewilderment took me prisoner.
           “What do you want THIS time?!” he demanded in his usual welcoming manner? That doesn't really bother me—I'm just comforted that he is awake. I still watch him, though. Our session tapes are rife with words I've shouted in mid-sentence to startle him from one of his naps.
           “Doc, you remember how you told me I needed to lose myself in something I was passionate about?”
           “Yeeess,” he tendered, looking guarded.
           “And, remember my earth-friendly campaign?”
           “Oh, your 'Save The Butter Tubs' thing? Sure, I remember.”
           “Well, it's going badly.”
           “You do look a little...jaundiced. Have you been eating too much butter? I can prescribe something...”
           “No no Doc, that's not it. Although I did once try to give a tub of butter mouth-to-whatever...I stuck my face in it. Just that once...because it stopped moving.”
           “Wait, the butter was moving?”
           “Well no, I figured out I was just dizzy at the time. Anyway that's not WHY I'M HERE!” He sat up with a start. “I just don't get why people don't care about butter tubs.” He turned away for a moment and covered his face with his hands to think. “I can see it's time to go,” I continued, “but Doc, I know lots of people who wouldn't give a starving butter tub so much as a day old lump of haggus!
          “Me too,' he said, tearing up. He was crying softly as I closed the door.

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