Bainwarble and the FBI

           Bainwarble, exhibiting well-known Welsh prudence, agreed to stop carrying his gun during his Neighborhood Stop and Frisk (N.S.A.F.) sorties. Still, the fun continued: one night we got a call from the FBI office downtown about Glassshard obstructing a federal investigation.

           It seems he had encountered a stranger lurking by the fence at the Marijuana Growers Association Gardens. He immediately suspected a criminal undertaking to steal product from the local economy. He collared the hapless evil-doer, and by the probing 1600-lumen light of his N.S.A.F. crime buster flashlight, found a belligerent federal gumshoe.

           “Kill that light and identify yourself,” the stranger scream-whispered, “I’m FBI !”

           “I don’t care if you’re Facebook, Twitter or Google Maps,” retorted Bainwarble! “What are you doing?!!”

           Hence, Glassshard’s arrest and another 3:00 AM phone call. Ducky Bumps and I looked up from our graphic novels, and she reached for the phone, frowning. When she hung up, she strapped on her Gloc and said, “Come on, we’re going to get our butler!”

We screeched to a halt outside the Federal Building, doused the off-road lights, and stomped down the hall to the FBI office. Ducky Bumps didn’t knock—we walked right in. The startled staff looked at her hip and someone yelled, “Gun!”

           “Relax geniuses,” she said, “I left it in the truck. You can’t bring guns into this building!”

           “Oh, it’s you!” exclaimed Senior Agent Congers. “I guess we can skip the formalities with your butler.” It always amazes me how nobody wants to get Ducky Bumps pissed off.