Bainwarble’s Three-bread Walk

           Bainwarble always keeps a folding wire grocery cart in his Yugo for those odd carrying chores that crop up on road outings. It’s handy for getting supplies for our chef, but its purpose is unlimited. Two hundred pounds of sugar for his alley winery. A chainsaw for a camper remodeling project. (The chainsaw now hangs inside the privy in case he ever has trouble getting the door open.) Road kill…

           He came dragging the cart in one day, loaded with the flaming red pot off the top of his Yugo, the spare tire, the passenger seat, and a dead skunk with the grimacing coyote still attached. “I need some tomato juice,” he mumbled.

           “Get that out of here,” screamed Ducky Bumps! “What have you been doing?” We followed Glassshard to the terrace. A nice breeze made continuing the conversation possible.

           “What is the past tense of Yugo,” the exhausted butler asked?

           “You went,” I offered brightly.

           “Yugo went,” he said, collapsing into a lawn chair.

           “I think that tree stump over there would be better for you,” I said, “You’d be more comfortable on that stump.” Ducky Bumps just shook her head.

           “Where’s the Yugo,” she asked?

           “I tipped it into the ditch when the cart was full,” he muttered. “It’s about 11 miles west of town.” Ducky Bumps disappeared inside and returned, handing me three loaves of white bread. I held my breath and took them to Bainwarble.

           “At 3 calories a foot, that’s about three loaves of bread,” she said. “Will you be changing jobs???”