The Memphis Spa For Important Dogs

            I finally had to do something about our dog, Lothar.  He is a giant—a cross between a Great Dane and a Mastiff that we lovingly shorten to Great Mass—about 174 pounds.  He should have come with a saddle.  Lothar’s problem is that he lays around all day eating biscuits and watching soaps on TV (He also likes the Humane Society bit on the noon news). 

          It doesn’t help that he loves everybody, including the mail carrier.  He’s even nice to Jehova’s Witnesses when they dare to join him on our porch.  And one time, when a burglar decided to turn himself in, the police apprehended him sitting by our front door, cheerfully scratching our docile drooling dog behind the ears.  Lothar chases nothing!

          Well, something had to be done.  Lothar’s muscle tone was deteriorating.  I would have exercised him myself, but a human can’t walk Lothar unless he or she is on a horse or a motorcycle, neither of which are luxuries I favor.  And I am much too big to ride Lothar.

          So off we went, a comic 21^st Century version of Turner And Hooch, to visit Chez Pup™, The Spa For Important Dogs™.  Six weeks and $6000 later, Lothar came home fit as a timber wolf.  My only concern is his new habit of curling his lip in an Elvis-like smile that even frightens our house plants.  So I’m buying better biscuits, but every time I give him some, I could swear he tries to say, “Thank-you-very-much!”