Bainwarble Gets A Pony

           The loss of his Yugo and the adoption of Senator, his sneaky coyote, doubled Bainwarble’s need for transportation. He had several extended conversations on the subject with Wiley Stinks, our chef, whom he considers a “man of the world.” At the end of one heated argument, Wiley told Glassshard, “You can’t carry a coyote around with you on a horse! What you need is a car named after a horse. Go find a car, any car,” Wiley said finally, “with a name that sounds like a horse!”

           Bainwarble found a Pinto and checked it out. It had 49,000 miles, and it was almost completely junk. Crack in the windshield, fender dings, broken headlight, bare metal on the foot pedals, holes in the floor mats, and the seat springs were barely functional. The rear end of the car seemed to have missed all the wear-and-tear: it was nearly pristine. Glassshard sat in the driver’s seat and gripped the smooth plastic wheel. The seat let him down far enough to see out perfectly.

           “Does it burn oil?” he asked.

           “It leaks some—the rear main seal—the undercarriage catches fire every 4 or 5 months. We just let the oil burn off.”

           “I like the vertical flames painted on the car,” said Bainwarble. The seller knew he was hooked.

           “After each fire, we use high-heat paint to protect the bare spots.”

           Bainwarble paid the guy and drove it home, thinking all the way how much more comfortable it was than his old Yugo.